A framework for doing security by the seat of your pants. Assuming you're wearing any. Please God, don't tell me you're not wearing any pants... Unless you're a cute infosec girl then it's cool.
- Ask me about my NDA. I double dong dare you.
- Break shit in production because QA is for pussies.
- Blame the devs when shit goes south.
- Push code without source control
- Comment your god damned code, Steve!
- Always upgrayedd on Friday at 16:45. Double Dose of dumpsterfire.
- /dev/null all alerts
- rm -rf all the things.
- Shitpost and troll. Deploy a box of trollololol
- Shitpost some more.
- Refer to yourself as Uncle Dad.
- Click links with reckless abandon. What's the worst that could happen? It's not your personal machine anyways.
- Sudo? Ain't nobody go time fo dat! Run as root always. Shit saves time and makes disasters even more disasterrific
- Sometimes making a mountain out of a molehill is the only way. Other times, making a shrine for cockroach is. #trevorforget
- Sometimes you have to go full retard to be understood by a conference room full of downsies.
- If you must comment your code, make sure it's functionally useless, contradictory, and hilarious.
- Save the root password in a text file only readable by root
- Copy-paste commands from abandoned online discussion forums, it'll make the dumpsterfire burn brighter
- Install LUKS with a detached header and leave your USB stick in the pants for when your mom washes them
- Upgrayedd will eventually find you and you better have his money.
- Safe spaces don't exist here in the real world. Call people on their bullshit and expect to be called on yours.
- Don't take yourself or others so seriously. Remember this was a hobby before it became a career.
- Who has time for change control process and procedures? DEPLOY STRAIGHT TO PRODUCTION!
- Don't write pentest reports. But if they make you, send a csv written in comic sans with vague descriptions of random vulnerabilities. Set row height and column width to 1337, because you're 1337.
- < obligatory fuck bitches, get money >
- A flat network is always a good idea
- find /var/log* -mtime +1 -exec wipe -fr {} ; && wipe -fr /tmp* && wipe -fr ~/.bash_history and then don't wash your hands after you wipe.
- Your password must contain one upper, one lower, and one special. But how do you enter 'cocaine-cannabis-MDMA'?
- Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that?
- Linkedin is one of the weirdest dating sites.
- Commit code with broken tests. Passing tests is for nerds.
- Pimpin ain't easy if you're the CEO of backpage.
- Keep your CoC in your pants. It ain't impressive and is not as impactful as you think
- MAKE UPPERCASE GREAT AGAIN!
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